We now have our 4th placement (only other child in our home). He is 8 months old, sweet baby, very happy and pretty healthy with only possible potential concerns due to prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol. There is a TPR date set for the end of the month (already!) and we are not sure if we should adopt.
He's been here just shy of a month and we enjoy him, we care about him, we like that he is close in age to our daughter...but as with all placements we have guarded our hearts and we don't feel fully bonded with him anyways in such a short time. As in, if he left tomorrow we wouldn't be heart broken but we would miss him.
I've heard people say not to adopt if you can imagine your life without the child and you are ok with it. And that's kind of where we are at. We actually really want to continue fostering for a while longer and we feel that if we adopt this guy, we may need to take a break until the kids are older because, for us, first time parents, two kids at this age is enough! Maybe we could do three, but it would be hard.
Otht, this could be our SON. I keep thinking about people who adopt internationally. They don't even get to live with their child before they adopt! The child is just out there somewhere and they have no chance to bond with them, so surely when the child first comes home they don't feel like "theirs" right away. Right? They just bond over time and feel that can't-live-without-you feeling EVENTUALLY. Right?
So we are torn about passing up what could be our son just because its all happening so quickly and we haven't had time to bond and realizing he's not just an object to be collected because he will be available and letting him go to a family that maybe could attach immediately.
What's your btdt experience?
Source: http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/410019-not-sure-about-adopting.html
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